Does my dog have food? Maybe.
Does my dog have water? Of course... I always leave the toilet seat up.
Yes, true love for a dog is easy. Just dump out a whole bag of dog food and leave the toilet seat up.
Doctor visits and bathing are often an overrated extravagance that dogs and small children can live with out.
Everyone asks me when I go on a three day weekend out of state, "Hey, who is watching the dog while you're gone?"
"Nobody, asshole!" Is my usual reply. After all; who really needs to "watch" a dog that has an unlimited supply of Alpo and toilet water?
Now I know what you might be thinking..."What happens when the dog needs to go to the bathroom?"
What about it? You would be surprised at how well a 12 year old dog can "hold it" when every other time it hasn't, it has been beat without mercy. When I come home from a half week vacation I sometimes hope that maybe she made a little boo-boo on the carpet. The way I look at it, I lose either way. Either I have to clean up a mess or I have to find something else to beat on.
Listen, jackass, keep eating your pear. Stop trying to figure out why your "email doesn't "click"" You make no sense. Please go somewhere and quietly die.
I work on computers more or less for a living and have found the single most offensive group of clientelle to work with. Old people. Their feeble minds barely grasp the concept of the internal combustion engine, much less having been forced into using space-aged magic machines by their kids or grandkids. They usually don't mind paying for help, but they are the hardest group to satisfy. Sometimes when I fix something for them and step away, they grab the keyboard and look through their trifocals at the screen scratching their heads. and I feel like saying "just between me and you, I know that you have no fucking clue what you are actually doing, huh?"
Hey I can try to fix your computer, please bring all of your system disks with it in case we need to restore... And what happens every time? They show up without the disks I asked for. Then they call their husband twenty miles away to take a minute off work and go get them and bring them to me... They seem so proud of how tech-savvy they are becoming in their golden years.
"You brought me a user manual for your monitor and your Epson Stylus printer disk."
I feel like running full speed into a running plane propeller.
So, my advice for grandpa, is put down the Apple, and pick up a pear... And slip warmly and quietly off in the middle of the night with only a pear core and half empty bottle of antifreeze next to your bed.
Does my dog have food? Maybe.