I despise junk mail. Especially when you KNOW they got your address by farming it from an improperly sent mass email.
The Pro Shop at Sea Star
Sometimes replying with "unsubscribe" doesn't cut it.
The Pro Shop at Sea Star Swim School
127 Sanders Ferry Road Hendersonville, TN
To : email@example.com
Subject : Re: Tax Free Weekend performing DVDA on your mom
Thanks for adding me to your email list by mining another email list from a friend of mine who sends me triathlete stuff. You giant a-holes should learn some email addition etiquette and stop farming email addresses from other people's lists. It's complete bullshit. Take me off your shitty cold-email blind-siding triathlete list. I am too fat to fit into your products, and I live in Minnesota. Thanks for all the spam, assholes. Don't make me call your ass on the phone and verbally abuse you and your questionable emailing practices.
P.S. Next time I need a camel-back I will find another fat chick at a bar, not order an overpriced Chinese made bladder bullshit from a crappy-ass tax-free fitness store that fought to preserve slavery in the Civil War.
P.P.S. Enjoy your new Time magazine, Playboy, Mad magazine, Organic Gardening, Rolling Stone, Mother Earth, PC Review, Maxim, Midwest Homes, Better Homes and Gardens, National Geographic (with no boobs), Gay email practices Monthly, Why is my business failing quarterly, and 101 mistakes that guarantee you a spot in hell Digest. The magazines and the bills will be arriving at your place shortly.
P.P.P.S. Fuck you.