Please God No

In a bazaar new public relations campaign, Alltel Wireless unveiled it's new marketing strategy this week.
"'Fuck you'. Simple and to the point," Alltel's president and chief executive officer Scott Ford said during an interview on Tuesday.
He continued, "There are lots of choices in the competitive wireless market these days. Anyone can give you competent, satisfying, and fair cell phone service. We like to think we're different. We like to provide a service to a niche market of users that find themselves longing for a huge penis to be rammed in their anus with no lubrication. Our new motto really sums up our feelings for our customers."
According to Ford, the company had played with several other ideas for a new tag line over the past year.
"There were several ideas we played with. 'Fuck your mother', 'Scat eating', 'Salad tossing' were all ideas that were on the table at one point. Finally someone said, 'Fuck you' and we knew, at that moment, the simple genius of these two words. It sums up our company spirit so well."
"I was raping a 87 year old invalid at a nursing home recently just to be an asshole. That is how dedicated I am to my position, this company, our stockholders, and your mother, who likes to be showered with frothy golden ropes of my urine."