Skip to content

Trapped Utah mine workers to be lowered board games, puzzles, and citizenship packets.

A full week after the Utah mine collapse that left six miners stranded, new help is coming in the form of Yahtzee boards and nationalization papers.

"There is only one thing that will kill a group of six illegal immigrant mine workers quicker than being buried under thousands of tons of coal," said Robert Murray in a news conference Monday afternoon, "And that's boredom."

"We want to make sure we give them every survival advantage necessary. We stopped the tunneling process more than 48 hours ago to concentrate our manpower on more pressing issues; Making sure every trapped miner was lowered enough entertainment and beef jerky to make it until we can reach them sometime in early November 2009."

"We also had the idea of lowering clip boards and immigration applications down the 8 3/4" tunnel we have already drilled. That way they will already be ahead of the game in the application for citizenship that will be required for them to sue us when they get out."
According to Murray, many other ideas were passed around the meeting table before the novelty snacks, paperwork, and games were settled on.
"Candles, pornography, and even blankets were all options on the table at one point during the discussion," Chuckled Murray. "Hell, Johnson even brought up the idea of sending down clean drinking water!"


No Trackbacks


Display comments as Linear | Threaded

Allen Cutler on :

Good to see that we have our priorities straight in the process of saving lives.

Add Comment

Standard emoticons like :-) and ;-) are converted to images.
E-Mail addresses will not be displayed and will only be used for E-Mail notifications.

To prevent automated Bots from commentspamming, please enter the string you see in the image below in the appropriate input box. Your comment will only be submitted if the strings match. Please ensure that your browser supports and accepts cookies, or your comment cannot be verified correctly.

Form options

Submitted comments will be subject to moderation before being displayed.