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Unitarian church in Knoxville, TN production of Annie has trouble sticking to script.

A production of the popular musical "Annie" at a Knoxville, TN Unitarian church had trouble staying on script, it was reported Sunday.
"I was all into Annie's portrayal of a disenfranchised young orphan growing up in the 1920's", stated church member Marla Staples. "I could empathize with her struggle against oppressive authoritarian figures. Annie is a care-free role model for all of us. She ultimately displays the spirit and the anti-establishment feelings a lot of us have growing up in a diverse environment. Also she got all shot up and killed."
"This play totally sucked ass", another congregation member stated, "I was all into this play until about 45 minutes into it. Then all of the sudden, some guy with a shotgun started killing folk (people) and I was like 'damn son' what the hell? They totally went off script with this one."
Assistant youth counselor at the church Wendy McNally further stated, "We try hard to instill a sense of pride in one's portrayal of most all of Broadway Play's actors, but during rehearsal when they introduced the "Disgruntled-Food Stamp Collecting-Shotgun Wielding-Homeless-Homicidal-Maniac character during the climax of the play that inevitably shoots 9 congregation members and kills at least one of them... I was like 'damn, this shit is stupid'."

Tony Snow is Dead, and now it is "Tony Snow"-ing in Hell.

Former Press Secretary Tony Snow has unexpectedly taken a new position at the DOPOH (the Department Of the President Of Hell), it was reported Saturday.
During an exclusive interview via satellite phone this afternoon, Snow expressed gratitude for his new role.
"My conscious bothers me a lot less now! I honestly feel more favorably about the administration I represent here than I did during my term at the White House. I wake up refreshed knowing that all I have to do (here in hell) is lie about murdered babies and defend child rapists! This job requires way less manipulation and double talk than was expected of me working for the Bush administration!"
Probed further about his current role working for Beelzebub , Snow continued, "I lied the United States into slaughtering more than 3,000 American soldiers and tens of thousands of civilians in Iraq. I lied... And I was good at it. That's why I feel qualified for this position in the underworld and that's why I feel like this job suits me. It is right up my alley. I mean some people were made to grow crops, some were born to smelt metal into tools, some were born to program electronic and computer devices, and some were born to defend serial-murdering baby-eating shit-snacking baby rapers. I feel like I am the later."
The Dark Prince declined to take part in this phone interview but regarding their new relationship Snow also added, "Satan has been very good to me here; We play cards, talk about stamp collecting, and throw lawn darts. He even replaced my hair and missing cancer-ridden (butt hole) large intestine."