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Alltel Wireless unveils new motto, "Fuck you".

In a bazaar new public relations campaign, Alltel Wireless unveiled it's new marketing strategy this week.
"'Fuck you'. Simple and to the point," Alltel's president and chief executive officer Scott Ford said during an interview on Tuesday.
He continued, "There are lots of choices in the competitive wireless market these days. Anyone can give you competent, satisfying, and fair cell phone service. We like to think we're different. We like to provide a service to a niche market of users that find themselves longing for a huge penis to be rammed in their anus with no lubrication. Our new motto really sums up our feelings for our customers."
According to Ford, the company had played with several other ideas for a new tag line over the past year.
"There were several ideas we played with. 'Fuck your mother', 'Scat eating', 'Salad tossing' were all ideas that were on the table at one point. Finally someone said, 'Fuck you' and we knew, at that moment, the simple genius of these two words. It sums up our company spirit so well."
"I was raping a 87 year old invalid at a nursing home recently just to be an asshole. That is how dedicated I am to my position, this company, our stockholders, and your mother, who likes to be showered with frothy golden ropes of my urine."


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Ken on :

I love it! I too am a disgruntled All-to-hell customer who is trying to get out of my contract. I also think I may be on their customer service "blacklist", because every time I call, the only people they allow me to speak to are rude black women ("I'm sorry, Missuh Payne, suh...kindly go fuck yoself!"), or those who barely speak English ("Tank you veddy much por choosing Alldel")

Jeff on :

DUH!!! Come Get Your Love…

1st point. Look at their spokesman, Chad looks like such a flaming Butt Pirate you know just by watching the commercials that you’re going to get screwed.

2nd Point. Their Slogan "Come Get Your Love". You have to read the really fine print to see the rest of it. I believe it reads something like "from a sadistic S&M master. When you’re done you'll never walk right again and smarter people that never had to go through All The Hell will point and call you a dumb shit". Then they will kick you.

Seriously, I’m also a former Midwest customer going though a similar hell. Why doesn't someone start a class action law suite? Every single person I know who went through this switch is waiting for the first opportunity to switch companies. When Alltel bought Midwest Wireless they also assumed responsibility for all the contracts, which they are not living up to, but they’re forcing us to stay in or else pay through the ass to get out of.

Hemmdog on :

I hate Alltel the reception is lousy, god forbid you stay in your contract, then after the contract is over you move. The you get stuck paying for the rest of the days till the next billing cycle. SO I SAY ALLTEL FUCK YOU! This is a warning don't switch until your billing cycle on the end of your contract is up to switch.

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