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White House unveils official New Orleans Gustav plan, "Run Nigger!"

Official White House Gustav plan.

The White House unveiled their official Hurricane Gustav disaster plan for New Orleans, it was reported earlier today.
The Bush Administration, still suffering criticism over its response to Hurricane Katrina in 2005, was quick to point out their rapid action emergency plan.
During a press conference this morning, White House Press Secretary Dana Perino announced, "We will not be caught off guard with Hurricane Gustav. We have a comprehensive plan to deal with New Orleans and its residents if Gustav continues its current path. Operation 'Run Nigger!' offers a simple yet comprehensive plan that (President Bush) thinks New Orleans and its residents can understand."
When pressed about exact details regarding the plan, Perino continued, "Basically the 'Run Nigger!' plan involves all of the affected residents getting up and quickly running in the opposite direction in which the storm is coming from. We hope this innovative plan will save lives and provide clarity for Louisiana residents concerned about the government's handling of federal emergencies."
"I would like to point out that the disabled and elderly have not been excluded from our new plan. We will encourage those with limited mobility to also remove themselves from the path of the storm. For instance, many residents in wheelchairs could simply 'roll' away in the opposite direction of the storm. Others with severely restricted mobility could even be 'pushed' away from the storm. We realize that there was a lot of post-hurricane criticism over the White House response to Katrina, and we hope to show that we are not unaware of the struggles and hardships that face our citizens during natural disasters."

The Minnesota State Fair - "The great (Handicapped) Minnesota get together!"

How many handicapped people live in this state?

The famous Minnesota State Fair kicked off late last week with the consistent drone of bus wheelchair lifts, depleting oxygen tanks, and lung blowers, our staffer Jeff Ricks on site at the fair reported late Friday.
The line of handicapped people literally stretched for miles, as our special residents waited in queue for the reptile petting zoo, the Characature sketch art exhibit, and of course; the fried cheese curd line.
"Damn, where have all these cripples been hiding," questioned Minneapolis resident "Tommy" Thomlinson. "There are more handicapped people here than at the Special Olympics."
Our reporter notes one group of people classically and perplexingly missing from the overall fair population. The blacks.
"I've seen like maybe 20 black people here all day! Twelve of them were taking tickets, two were driving the buses. three were working at the greek gyro stand, and the other three were holding hands with a white girl. How bizarre," stated Ricks.

ASD Cash Generator - Website down - Ponzi Scam. Told you dumb crackers!!!!

Total Scheme... I told your asses

Our New Commentary section - Ask Willie!

We here at are proud to present our newest feature commentary section, entitled "Ask Willie" which features intelligent insight by our newest guest writer Willie Horton. Willie is best remembered as the robber and rapist that cost Michael Dukakis the presidential election in 1988. We look forward to his intelligent and comical take on events in the world.

I told you crackers!! You will be lucky if you don't get sued, and you will be EXTREMELY lucky if you get your money back!
It was about a month ago when someone told me about ASD Cash Generator. They claimed to have already made $60,000 surfing around on websites. Sounds too easy. eh? Dumb cracker should have seen it was a Ponzi Scam.

If you don't know what a Ponzi scam is let me tell you. It is a business model that basically collects money from new investors so they can pay existing investors huge returns on their investment, with no real income or business model.
After the wonderful news about how much my friend had earned using this system I checked it out.
1000% user-based growth in the last 6 months? Being awarded the Presidential medal of distinction by the president himself? What a wonderful and trust-worthy company!

If it's too good to be true, it probably is.

After their website was shut down for nearly a month because of "explosive growth" and hiding behind the culprit of "having to design a new website to manage their explosive traffic", they finally came back online about a week ago. They came back online but did not allow new signups because they were "working on their new signup form". What kind of stupid fucking moron cracker would believe that? Any business that relies on customers for it's income stream would not shut down the "signup" form so they could "have a group a programmers working day and night to redesign it"
Let me show you.

--------Sample signup form------
Name =
Address =
Phone number =
email address =
{echo} sumbit
-------End of signup form------

I am a stupid black man, and have lost approximately 30% of my income to get rich quick schemes. (And an addition 30% to Buffalo wings and cheap wine), and I KNEW this was a scam.

All you ASD cheerleaders KISS MY CRACKER BLACK ASS! You are now served!

Everything they told you was a lie.

I am not saying no one ever made any money during this obviously painful Ponzi scheme. I am saying that you might not have only lost your money, but you might even be SUED for the income you have gathered from this company!

Stupid crackers!
Willy out.